Why do I run?

Moliere said, “Trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.” Is that the same for slow thinkers?

I remember the arguments from my late teens and early 20s where I was accused of burying my head in the sand and avoiding difficult decisions, situations, and discussions. That became a recurring theme in my life. I run away from what’s difficult.

Now, in my late 30s, I’m getting similar comments from a coworker with whom I regularly argue. I get so frustrated at some of the things he says, the best thing to do is to turn around and walk out before he sees the tears well up in my eyes. But he calls me out for it every time. He says I always run away and he implies that I can’t stick out a tough argument. He isn’t wrong…or is he?

Another annoying habit I have is returning to ended conversations. Co-worker guy hates that about me. He and I will have a discussion and it comes to an end, or so he thinks. Later, after processing all that was said, I’ll have something else to contribute to the discussion he assumed was over.

I think that’s my thing, I have to process. I have to sift through all my thoughts on a matter before I can eloquently, accurately, or effectively convey my thoughts.

When I run away am I avoiding or am I processing? Perhaps it’s a little of both. Most of the time, when an issue arises, even if I run away my brain stays with it. I don’t think I can truly avoid something entirely. I can put things off; at that I am a pro. But I don’t think I fully run away.

So, is the fault fully with me running away from difficult discussions or is it a misunderstanding and lack of patience for how my brain works? Can needing more time to think things through before I share my thoughts be such a bad thing? I’ll admit that difficult decisions and discussions are not my strength and I have a tendency to flight over fight but I really think flight time is spent thinking it through.

To those of you who have or will be in a difficult discussion with me, I ask for your patience. “Patience is bitter, but it’s fruit is sweet.” -Aristotle


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