I am not bitter about being single. I like being single. There are times when I think it would be nice to have someone to hold me, but in the overall view of my existence…regardless of my marital status…my life is good. Perhaps the happiness I feel is less “regardless of my marital status” and more “because of my marital status”. Romantic relationships can be hard and sometimes the agony they cause isn’t worth it. The struggle I have with singleness is not an inner struggle against singleness itself but rather against the perceptions of others as to the status of my happiness and the assumption that true happiness is ONLY attainable in marriage and motherhood. I have no doubt that happiness can be attained in those things, I have seen it in other’s lives. But that it may ONLY be attainable in those things is a concept I cannot fully grasp for I have felt joy and happiness outside of them.
In the Christian community it is a widely accepted premise (for better or worse) that God’s purpose in creating woman was to be a helpmate to man and a mother to his children and that God’s perfect and pleasing will is that every woman should attain this goal and be fully satisfied in it. But what is forgotten in the discussion is that we live in a fallen world where God’s perfect and pleasing will is not always afforded to every creature no matter how they pray. People die young. Wars happen. Kids are stricken with debilitating diseases. People are starving. We live in a fallen world where both good and bad things happen to believers and non-believers without prejudice. We must then maneuver in a world where our lives don’t fit into certain molds in which we are expected to reside. I strongly believe that if my road does not lead me to what is “expected” by others, that God has and will still bless me with even greater Purpose and Usefulness.
I don’t resent being single. I don’t resent not having kids. I resent being made to feel like I am broken, incomplete, or useless because of those things. I may be broken and incomplete but it has nothing to do with my current life status and everything to do with the fact that I am a human being in a fallen world in need of a Savior and His Grace and beyond the beautiful simplicity yet sheer magnitude of Grace…nothing else matters.