worthy of beautiful sighs

that’s what i get for letting it in
that’s what i get for the risk i took
the walls came down in an instant 
but now i’m ready to look
for ways to rebuild them
and never feel pain
a need to be needed is pain all the same
why would God just watch and not intervene
i imagine i was an entertaining scene
the joy and freedom and laughter and love
what a fool i made of myself for above
so what was the point
there has to be one
to laugh and love for as long as there is some
reason to open yourself to the light
to hopefully wish for some human delight
but delight is always followed by tears
i’ve operated well for the past 9 years in fear
i could do that again but now that i’ve seen
myself in the mirror with a happy sheen
how can i return to believing the lies
that i’m not worthy of beautiful sighs
is my happiness contingent upon hope for love
or does God have a greater purpose to shove
me and my singleness to some great beyond
oh how i wish He’d wave His wand
and show me the reason i am where i am
more than just being the help when I can
there has to be more
a reason to fight
i’ve worried away my appetite
a hope to be skinnier
a hope to be desired
knowing for now it’s all muck and mire
but my word this year was journey
and another was trust
of course those would guarantee disgust
until the end when God brings me through
i can’t hardly wait to see what is really true

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