My whole life I’ve been the-one-you-get-when-you-can’t-get-the-one-you-want in almost every area of my life. For instance, if you want a bass guitar player, you exhaust every option by calling every bass guitar player you know and if they all say no, then you call me. I am good at filling voids. I am good at helping out when no one else is available. I’ve been okay with that. It’s never bothered me. I’ve always liked helping out. One of the reasons that I’ve never minded was that those I’ve helped have appreciated it. They’ve thanked me. And they’ve been respectful. Until recently…

I was asked to help a group of people in their endeavers because the person who was in that position was moving to a different state. I jumped at the chance. The opportunity involved a few of my favorite things…live music, sound mixing, and great people to spend time with. However, while helping out, it was brought to my attention – and made perfectly clear –  that they prefered the person who had the position before me. It wasn’t ALL those involved that felt that way, just a couple of members of the group. I almost cried and I am not a crier. I was devastated. I’ve since been reassured by others involved that I am wanted and appreciated, but the hurt is already there. As a friend of mine says, you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. I have plans of what should be my next move but I know I shouldn’t act out of hurt feelings so I have been searching for calm by letting this situation teach me something about me. And here is what I’ve come up with so far… 

I have been too accepting of second place my whole life. I want to be more than that. I want to have a career that when people say, “who do we get for the job,” my name is the first they think of. I want a relationship where the man sees only me. I want friends that think to call me first when they have news or need help. I want to stop being the-one-you-get-when-you-can’t-get-the-one-you-want even if that means telling some people, “No, get someone else,” and even if that means I leave them hanging because no one else is available. I have to stop worrying about disappointing people. If they have to live without help, fine! I will tell them no and I will mean it and I will not relent and I will not feel bad. The good old loyal-to-a-fault Carrie is gone. Loyalty is healthy but not at the levels I’ve experienced. You can have too much of a good thing. I’ve decided that being second is no longer good enough for me. I deserve first place.


3 thoughts on “the-one-you-get-when-you-can’t-get-the-one-you-want

  1. Carrie-I agree with you..and have experienced this myself. It is so devastating and hurtful. It’s like after finding out the first option is out, they say, “Well we could always use (insert name).”

    I understand this frustration and know how it feels, for sure. I would like to offer some encouragement; You are so valuable and significant in the Kingdom of God. God never thinks of you as “second.” Take courage in that!

    He has given you gifts that He wants you to use outside of people asking you to use them.

    I’ve always thought you are an awesome writer and believe that God is going to use that gift in a mighty way!

    Praying for you today!


  2. Carrie—-

    You do deserve to be first place….no doubt in my mind!!!! Hang in there! And be strong!

    I will be praying! God has BIG things in store! Even though you may not see it. I have been experiencing waiting on God to show me what’s in store and it is a cool journey!

    Don’t ever settle….you are awesome! And don’t let anyone tell you ANY different!

    Love you girl!!

  3. Carrie! I love you more than life my dear!!! I’m so very happy you have come to this new realization in your life. I’m sure it will be hard at times and you will get frustrated, but if you just hang in there and stick to your guns you will prevail! I will be here for you every step!!! Love you so much sister! 😉

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