I went for a walk this morning. It was a great time to think and pray. I received some revelation in the process. I saw a woman I used to know driving down the road and she waved at me. When I knew her before, she had advised me to dump the boyfriend I had. She didn’t feel he treated me right and she wanted me to see that I was worthy of being treated better. I fought her on it. I abused her for trying to breakup my “happiness”. Well, it turns out she was right all along. This morning when I saw her driving, I thought about that fight. I thought about her trying to get me to dump the guy. She was right about him. I now refer to him as the jackhole. (I refer to him by other expressions also but they are less appropriate to type so jackhole is sufficient for our current purposes.) What if I had listened to the wise counsel of that friend and dumped him? I wouldn’t have followed him to the church I currently go to or met my current group of friends that I dearly love and depend on. What if I had never met the guy at all?
As it turns out, the jackhole had a purpose.
If I had never met him, I wouldn’t have followed him to the church where I got to know the friend I spoke of above. I knew her from when I was a kid. She was a friend of the family. She had grown up with my parents. But, I wouldn’t have gotten to know her as well as I did when going to church with her. I wouldn’t have gotten to know a lot of people at that church who have become so dear to me.
If I had never met him I wouldn’t have gotten to know his family who are still like family to me.
If I had never met him I wouldn’t have followed him to the church I still attend where I have met all my wonderful friends. We broke up while attending that church. He left that church and I stayed. If I’d married him I wouldn’t have the friends I currently have because my life would be consumed by him. The friends I have now have been so encouraging to me. They are my small group. They pray for me and encourage my God-growth. I love them all.
If I had never met him and been dumped by him, I wouldn’t be as strong of a person as I am now. I wouldn’t be as independent as I am. I wouldn’t be at the church I currently attend. I wouldn’t be a lot of good things that I am or have as many good things as I have. I have to remember that the good that came out of that relationship/breakup out way the negativity and bitterness I feel from it.
God wants to heal me of all the bitterness and negativity that came from that time in my life and I think I am getting close to the healing. Seeing the good from that time and the good thing that I am not still with him, is a good start.