I’m Still Working Through “Thirdly”

I avoid romance in my own life but I love to hear the romantic stories of others. My friends, family, fictional characters in books, actors in movies…I eat up their stories but want nothing to do with a story of my own. Why is that? Three reasons, actually.

Firstly, I avoid complications like the plague and when things get complicated in a relationship, as they always do, I stick my head in the sand. I try to ignore the problem hoping it will just go away. It’s the equivalent of putting a band-aid on a malignant tumor. If I don’t see the problem then there is no problem and I can go on with life as usual. That’s really frustrating for the other person in the relationship. To ask another person to live like that would be quite unfair.

Secondly, I live with scenarios in my head. Daydreams, story lines, characters, conversations. They are all very romantic and dreamy. They are…they are the kind of stories that cause a slight tilt of the head and a crooked smile when thinking of them. My reality has never lived up to them. It probably never could. To ask another person to try to live up to them would be monumentally unfair.

Thirdly,…well, I am still working through “thirdly”. “Thirdly” is the tricky one. “Thirdly” is the one I don’t want to face. It’s the thorn in my side. It’s the nightmare that haunts me. To ask another person to understand “thirdly” would be utterly impossible.

So single I am and single I shall stay. And the funny thing is, I’m okay with that.

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