Who Will Still Be Here?

I don’t have the same friends I did 10 years ago. People who used to be a part of my everyday life are now faint memories. In 10 years, will I still have the same friends as I do now? Friends have come into my life in the last 5 or 6 years – when I thought I wasn’t able to make friends anymore – and to think that they may not be in my life in the next few years is saddening. Friends come and go. They move to other states, get married, switch churches, get new jobs, make other life changes that take them to other groups or put them on other schedules. So, who will still be here in 10 years? Will I still be here in 10 years? Will I be the one that makes the change? I know change can be good but I don’t always do well with major changes. I don’t do well with the thought that the people I have shared life with – the few I’ve trusted -will be gone. No longer in my life, meeting new – most likely more interesting – people, going new places, trying new things, living new lives. I am not opposed to change but I usually mourn when a change brings a loss of some-kind. And I don’t like to mourn. But then who does? Sometimes the losses are foreseeable – these people left so you know this one will leave and when this one leaves that one will follow and this other one has been wanting out of here for years so they will leave and probably take another with them and so-and-so is going to such-and-such someday and… – …until all are gone.

I had a moment today with God where I told Him that when these people leave my life I am not going to take it very well. God will definitely have to do something to help me through those changes. I need peace about change in general before the next big change comes. The cynical side of me would try to put up the walls to stay guarded from these hurts. But the cynical road is now closed to me. It is the easy way out but there is nothing easy about change.

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